Can We Just Cuddle?

Oh boy, oh boy. I’m in my room in Vegas. Today was our third pool party and I’m good and drunk, very red and tired. I figured I’d come up early, get a post in and relax before heading to dinner later. Tomorrow, we’re taking an afternoon flight, which gets us in around 8 p.m., so I’m just going to want to see Trent and then crash.

This past week was just so busy. We finalized the details for the sets, as well as the shooting locations and schedule. There’s going to be some late nights and early mornings, to work around the Tonight Show schedule, but a lot of shooting will be on the weekends too. Needless to say, the next few weeks I’m going to be so crazed and stressed. Jimmy has said that I don’t need to be on set every day, but since it’s MY show, I really want to be. Plus, I find it all so fascinating and fun. I had picked the writing team and we had the first three scripts locked in and approved. The next four were in the approval process and I would have to work on the last five in the next few weeks too. Actually, I should be doing that right now, but I don’t think drunk TV writing is a wise idea.

But enough about work.

We arrived in Vegas late Thursday, and after a couple drinks on the plane, we passed out so we could go out when we got there. After a quick check-in, we headed down to the main casino bar at the Hard Rock, where we were staying. There were seven of us total. There was one married girl, Lizzy, two single girls and three girls in various stages of relationships, myself included. I only knew Lizzy’s maid of honor, so I was apprehensive about meeting her friends. But they were amazing and so fun! After a few drinks, I was ready for bed. Plus I wanted to be ready for the rest of the trip!

After getting an amazing deal at the pool, we settled in on our daybeds and watched the debauchery unfold before us. We flirted with various bachelor parties and just partied until dinner time. After a quiet dinner at Nobu, as we were all sun-drained, we perked up with some room drinks and headed down to Body English, the club at the hotel. And what a good time. We met up with a bachelor party from New Jersey. However, I managed to avoid any one guy’s attention, so not to lead them on. Clearly, I am a reformed Penny. Or maybe I was just finally really loving life and not caring what other people thought.

Anyway, Saturday was pretty much the same at the pool. Except, after venturing further into the depths of the pool, I was cornered.

“Hi!” said a rotund blonde guy with a Canadian accent.

“Hi,” I said, immediately skeptical.

“I’m Mike, what’s your name?”

“Penny.”

“You’re really cute. Where are you from?”

“New York. What about you?”

“Canada.”

“Where abouts?” I asked. I didn’t know why I was engaging him, but I didn’t want to be rude.

“London. In between Chicago and Toronto.”

“Oh OK, cool.”

“So, are you single?” he asked.

“We’re gonna go back to the bed,” Lizzy said, saving me.

“OK, I’ll come with.”

“You can stay,” said one of her friends.

“No, I’m good,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It was nice meeting you Mike. But I gotta go.”

Later on, feeling successful in avoiding any other creepers, I was looking for the girls in the pool when I felt a slap on my ass.

“What the F….” I turned around to see Mike laughing.

“It’s me. Remember me, from the pool? I met you before.”

“Yea, I know. Why are you slapping my ass?”

“Because I know you. Remember?” he asked again.

Oh boy.

“Yes. Mike from London, in between Chicago and Toronto.”

His eyes widened – he was hooked. Why do I always have to be so nice!?!?

“Wow, you remembered. You’re different,” he said, putting his arm around me.

I shrugged him off.

“Thank you,” I said.

“Do you find me attractive? You’re really pretty,” he said, leaning in to kiss me.

What the hell? I thought as I pushed him away.

“If you think I’m so different, why do you think you can kiss me?” I asked, raising my eyebrows, as I realized he was taking my comment as a challenge. I wasn’t helping myself.

“I think you have a great body. Do you think you would have sex with me?”

“I’m not drunk enough,” I immediately answered. Ah, the old Penny is coming back.

“What if we just cuddle?” he asked, his accent getting thicker, making it hard for me not to laugh in his face.

“No, we can’t just cuddle,” I said, mimicking his accent since he was too drunk to notice.

“I love to cuddle. We should just cuddle….”

“I’m good. But, hey, I’m gonna go find my friends. It was nice meeting you,” I said, backing away.

“Oh boo. You should come find me later. We could cuddle,” he said, leaning in for a hug.

Since I felt bad for the poor guy, I let him cop a quick feel and then ditched him and immediately texted Trent to relay the story.

***

“Take it off!” Lizzy yelled.

We were at Chippendales. And while every woman in that room, including Lizzy and her friends, were screaming and panting and practically rushing the stage, I was laughing hysterically. The show was unreal. Think Magic Mike meets a New Kids on the Block show. Each song was a different ‘fantasy,’ including firefighters, cops and construction workers. But my favorite, by far, the ‘sex fantasy.’

“Wait,” I said, to Lizzy’s friend. “Why is there a motorcycle up there?”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Well, I understand the bed and the couch – though the pillow fucking is throwing me off. But what is that guy doing on the motorcycle. What is he humping?”

She looked at me like I was crazy. I felt like I was in on the joke with the guys on stage – and everyone else was drooling.

After the show, we waited on line with the crazy ladies and took a picture with the strippers. One of them took a liking to one of the single ladies and invited us to some party at a different hotel. We partied until 6 am. with these strippers.

“The motorcycle. I don’t get it,” I said, drunkenly to one of the guys.

“Me neither! And I have to fuck it!”

“How? Why? It’s not sexy.”

“You’re fun,” he said, leaning in.

What the fuck! Why do men think it’s OK to just make out with you?

I politely pushed him away and told the girls I was heading back to the hotel in a cab. Luckily, they all wanted to leave to.

***

“So you almost made out with a stripper who fucked a motorcycle and a Canadian who works for a scotch tape company?” Trent said, when I called him earlier today.

“Yup,” I said.

“You sure know how to pick them,” he said, laughing.

“Don’t worry baby, you’re the only one I want. I love you!”

“I love you too. I’ll be sure to pick you up from the airport on a motorcycle.”

Just Like Old Times

“Put your fucking hands up!” yelled the DJ.

“What if I don’t want to put my hands up anymore?” Carson slurred, cracking up at his own joke. “Can you see if the DJ can play Ain’t It Fun by Paramore?”

Let me rewind. Last weekend was the 1o-year anniversary for Carson at my old job at the news station. He had invited current and past co-workers, so it was a huge blast from the past for all of us. Shanice and Maria showed up, as well my old managing editors, who have since married, had babies, quit and came back as freelancers. And there was a sprinkling of new producers who were barely the age I was when I started there many moons ago.

“It’s so good to see you!” Carson said, hugging me when I got to the restaurant. He had wanted to go out for dinner first to catch up, since we figured we wouldn’t really be able to talk at the bar with everyone there. He had rented some space at a bar in the city, close to Penn Station, so he could take the train home.

“So tell me everything! How’s Jimmy? When does your show start filming?”

“Jimmy is good. It’s been crazy since The Tonight Show changeover, but we’re finally getting back into our parody shows, which I always find more fun than the silly games. But it’s all really fun actually. I love it!”

“That’s awesome. I think I’ve seen you in a few sketches. Did you do some 80s dating show?”

“Oh lordy. Yes. Months ago. That was so embarrassing.”

“But you’re doing so well. And this Netflix show. Wow. Can you get me a job?” he said, laughing.

“I’m sure I could find something for you to do. How are you with set design?”

“Really?”

“Ugh. That’s where we’re at right now. It’s so frustrating. I have this vision of how I want the sets to be, and the designer we have is just not getting it. And we start filming in two weeks! Jimmy says it’s going to be fine, but I really have this week to focus on it while the studio is dark. BUT, I’m going to Vegas Labor Day weekend for my friend’s bachelorette party.”

“Well, at least you’re keeping busy. How’s that guy … what’s his name? Jake?”

“Oh my God, you’re so behind! Jake was married with two kids and never told me. I was his mistress essentially and walked into his house to find his family there one weekend...”

“Wow.”

“Yea. Then after Jake there was Tony. He and I were getting pretty serious. We moved in together. A few months later, he freaked out on Valentine’s Day because I was working crazy hours to get The Tonight Show site launched and broke up with me … a few weeks … or maybe days… after he moved out, I found out he’s dating some pilates vegetarian at the gym he works at.”

“Pilates vegetarian?”

“Don’t ask. Anyway, that brings me to … this new guy. Things are going really, really well.”

“What’s his name?”

“That’s not important.”

“Really Penny? You always kiss and tell. Is he famous? He’s probably like a news anchor or something. You did always like them older.”

I turned red.

“Oh. My God. It is! OK, I won’t pry anymore. As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.”

“Thank you! So tell me, how’s the family? The girls are getting so big! How old are they now?”

“5 and 8. They are good. We’re going to head down to Disney next month. I hate taking them out of school, but we got a really good deal, so I couldn’t pass it up. And they will just freak out.”

“And work? It’s good?”

“It is. But it’s frustrating. We have some really good, young kids. And then we have the kids that complain all the time. The systems we use not are by far more advanced than when you and I started years ago. Remember Puppy Dog?”

“How could I forget?”

“Yea. So that aside, things are good. I just hope this place doesn’t turn into a club toward the end of the night.”

“It probably will. But we’ll make the most of it,” I said, clinking my glass to his.

***

“What if we just keep our hands down? Is that OK?” Carson said.

“Oh boy,” Shanice said. “He’s really drunk isn’t he.”

“He deserves it. The family is out of town. I just hope he makes it home OK.”

“I’ll be fine! Let’s do a shot!” Carson yelled over the music.

It was just Carson, Shanice and myself left around midnight, as the younger producers left to start their night. Don’t ask. And the older crowd had to get home to their sitters and husbands.

“Let’s go to this dive bar around the corner,” I suggested, figuring a little fresh air could help.

We walked a little bit to the bar and they had a DJ too, but it was just a guy in the corner with a laptop playing his Spotify list.

“Ooooo. Do you have Ain’t It Fun?” Carson said, immediately after we walked in.

The DJ looked at him funny, but said he’d play it next. We walked up to the bar and ordered some more beer. Carson put his arms around us.

“This is just like old times, guys!” he said. And then he started clapping to the song as it started playing. “Ain’t it fun living in the real world…”

“Oh he is in his own world right now. So tell me girl, how’s your boy toy?” Shanice asked.

“He’s good!”

“You officially together?”

“We are.”

“Great! Cheers!”

“CHEERS!” Carson said, coming over to us. “What are we cheersing to?”

“Penny’s new man Tre…” I cut her off.

“Trent Gregory!?!?!” Carson whispered a little too loudly.

“Yes. Shut the fuck up,” I said, under my breath.

“Wow. Good for you, Pen. I heard he’s a good dude … wait, isn’t he married?”

“Separated.”

“OK. Good.”

“Put your fucking hands up!” the DJ said, to no one in particular since the bar was pretty empty.

“That’s it motherfucker,” Carson said, getting up and going over to the DJ.

“Everyone. If you’re tired, just keep your hands down. It’s OK, just give them a little rest,” Carson said into the mic.

“We need to leave,” Shanice and I said at the same time.

“We can’t put him on the train by himself though …”

“It’s fine. I’ll ride the LIRR with him for a bit. I can always take a cab back to my place when we get to his stop in Hicksville.”

“No guys, I’ll be fine,” Carson slurred.

***

“I’m so sorry Penny!” Carson said.

We were in the LIRR bathroom and he was hunched over puking.

“I never puke!” he said, dry heaving a little bit.

“Carson, it’s fine. Just get it all out.”

“This is so embarrassing!” he moaned. “You have to stay by me.”

“No, I’ll just take a cab. It’s fine.”

“I’ll give you cab money,” he said, before he puked again.

Yup … just like old times … kind of.

All Grown Up

“You are such a little weirdo,” Trent said, laughing.

“No, wait. I forgot that last move…let me do it again,” I said, replaying the Zumba song I was dancing to.

We were on some secluded beach we drove to with a bottle of wine and a six-pack of beer. I had told him that I was a Zumba teacher. Of course, in our tipsy state, I had to show him just how awesome my dance moves were.

“Teach it to me,” he said, getting up and dancing next to me.

It took all my will power not to laugh at him, because I never laugh at people who just dance and have a good time.

“Here try this,” I said, getting in front of him and just moving my hips back and forth, as I put his hands on my hips.

“MMMM, I like this move,” he said, kissing my neck and pulling me closer. “What’s it called?”

“Oh boy.”

“I know, I know. I’m a lame old man.”

“No, you’re just as weird as me. Now twirl me,” I said, spinning out and letting him pull me back in.

“I’m horrible,” he said, as he tried to dip me.

“You’re not horrible. But I do prefer your bedroom moves…”

“Well in that case,” he said, putting his hands under my shirt and unhooking my bra.

He laid me down on the blanket and took his time kissing all over my body, working me into a frenzy without even touching between my legs. By the time he settled in, I could barely take it anymore.

“That was fast, baby,” he said, smiling and kissing my thigh.

“Yea, your bedroom moves are much better than your dance moves,” I said, reaching down to his zipper.

He locked my hands above my head and pushed into me.

“Oh, God,” I moaned. As he pulled my hair and kissed my neck, I felt the first of many orgasms coming on.

***

“Every time, Pen. Every fucking time,” he said, sighing as I ran my hands over his chest.

“Yup. Come on,” I said, getting up and pulling him up.

“Where are we going….naked…”

“To rinse off the sweat we worked up,” I said, running into the water.

***

“How was Los Angeles?” Maria said, over drinks last night.

“Fantastic. Especially since it will hopefully be my last business trip,” I said.

“You got the New York studio?!?!”

“Yup.”

“Penny, that’s great! I’m so excited for you! I read that script you sent me. So good! It’s gonna be such a great show. Just remember the little people when you and your news anchor run away together and be all rich and famous.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll invite you to our parties in the Hamptons and on our boat.”

“Loser,” she said, throwing her napkin at me. “Changing the topic. You’re coming Saturday right?”

“Yes. I wouldn’t miss it. Are all our original players coming?”

“Yup. It’s going to be so weird with ex-workers and our new young producers. But it’s going to be so fun. Carson isn’t driving, so expect him to be in rare Carson form.”

“Oooo. I love drunk Carson.”

“You should bring Trent!”

“Hmmm. Maybe.”

“What maybe? Aren’t you guys exclusive now?” she said, signaling to the bartender for another round.

“Tom taking care of the kids tonight?” I asked.

“Yes, and don’t change the topic.”

“Yes, we’re exclusive. But it’s so good. I don’t want to ruin it. I don’t know if bringing him to my ex-boss’ 10-year anniversary is good idea. I mean, no doubt we’ll have fun. I just worry that people may talk. Even though our close friends and family know we’re together, it’s not public. We’re trying to keep a low profile, at least until his divorce is final.”

“Good point. Look at you, all grown up in a big girl relationship.”

“Now who’s the loser,” I said, throwing her napkin back at her.

“Come on, let’s get drunk. It’s not often I’m ‘allowed’ out,” she said, using air quotes.

***

“I love you,” I said, as Trent opened his door and I threw my arms around him.

“Ooo. Drunk Penny.”

“Not drunk, tipsy. I missed you! Take advantage of me!”

“Gladly,” he said, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me into his bedroom.

“I like my big girl relationship,” I said, as he took off my dress.

“Huh?” he said, shaking his hand and kissing my neck.

“Nothing. I love you.”

“I love you too, you little weirdo.”

“But I’m your little weirdo.”

“Yes, yes you are.”

Perfect

What a week! I’ve been feeling under the weather all week. It started after ladies night. I felt nauseous the next day and it stuck with me all week. We were super busy at work, putting the finishing touches on the House of Cards parody and getting stuff ready for the Girls parody.

On top of all that, Trent and I were headed to L.A. overnight Thursday so I could check out even more studios. Bleh. I was more excited just to get away with Trent than the actual working part of it. Then, Lizzy’s friends had contacted me about her bachelorette party in Vegas at the end of the month. I had to secure a camera guy for that. I thought about just bringing a camera, but I actually wanted to have fun, so I convinced Jimmy to let me bring one of the crew members at least for the first day or so, so he could get some footage and then go back and edit it to air the following week, if they wanted.

“Please don’t get rid of Tinder yet,” Lizzy said, as she watched me try to end my dating sites.

“This is more complicated than I thought,” I said, logging into Facebook and removing the apps before deleting them from my phone.

“Please!” she begged.

“Why?” I said, raising my eyebrows and hovering over the delete button.

“One more time in Vegas, please, please, please!” she said.

“Can’t your other friends do it?”

“I don’t know if they are on it! Just Tinder. Delete and cancel everything else.”

“Ugh. Fine. But I’m going to find the biggest penis item I can find and make you carry it the ENTIRE TIME.”

“I don’t care! I love penis!” she said, as Jimmy walked in.

“Oh, now I’m glad I’m sending a camera with you,” he said, and just walked out shaking his head.

“Whatever,” she said. “I can’t wait to go all out! Penises and naked men, here I come!”

I shook my head.

***

“What are you doing?” Trent said, looking over my shoulder on the plane.

“I’m making a list of what I need to bring for Lizzy’s trip.”

“Isn’t that two weeks away?”

“It is, but if I don’t write it down now while I remember, I’m going to forget. And I want to focus on having a good time on this trip,” I said smiling, and kissing him as he lightly stroked my arm while I finished my list.

***

“I hate this. I hate it,” I said, wrinkling my nose.

“Baby, we just walked in. Give it a chance…”

“No, I hate it. It smells in here.”

We were looking at the third studio of the day, and we had three more planned. I was just about to suck it up and go in, when my phone rang.

“Stop what you’re doing,” said Jimmy.

“What? What is it?” I said, panicked.

“We got it! The studio in Queens!”

“Oh. My. God!” I said.

“What?” Trent mouthed.

“The Queens studio…we got it!” I said, excitedly.

“Well, enjoy the rest of your mini-vacation. I had the producer cancel the rest of the appointments for the day. Congrats kid!” Jimmy said.

“This calls for a celebration,” Trent said, eyeing up a closet next to us and grinning.

I looked around and realized that we were the only two there. “What the hell?” I said, shrugging and walking into the closet.

***

“I’m really glad you’re staying in New York,” Trent said, reaching across the table and holding my hand.

“Me too! I was so worried. I mean, it was doable, just I didn’t want to do it!”

He laughed. “I know, baby.”

“Did I really complain that much about it?”

“It’s fine. I get it. And we would have made it work either way, you know that right? Because you’re worth it. You’re worth everything,” he said, smiling.

“You’re such a cornball,” I said.

“Well, you are. I can’t help how I feel about you. I still can’t believe I fell so hard for you. I swore I wouldn’t date so quickly after I separated…”

“I know. I get it. I felt the same after Tony. It was so intense, so quick. I wanted to just date and enjoy myself…not that I’m not enjoying myself with you.”

“Thank you for bringing me on this trip. I’m having a blast with you. But then again, I’ve never not had a good time with you.”

“OK, OK. Enough with the emotional stuff! Should we go walk along the beach after dinner? I’m not feeling a club or bar.”

“That sounds perfect. Just perfect,” he said.

And at that moment, everything was just perfect in my life. Everything was falling into place. I worked for my idol, I had my own TV series that was getting ready to tape in New York, I had great friends and now this amazing relationship. Nothing could fuck it up right now. I am finally in a good place.

If I Were A Boy

“Whatever this is, I want another one?” I said, pointing at my drink.

I decided to not drink my usual beer at Jimmy F.’s and went with the liquor. It was a wise choice, as Al whipped up something called a Stoli Salad, which is all the Stoli vodkas with a splash of cranberry. Delish! A few of those with some shots, and we were all having a blast.

“Uh oh! It’s our song,” I said to Emily as Rihanna came on.

“Come on….do it!” the girls egged on us.

“I don’t remember it!” she said.

“Me neither!” I said embarrassed.

“Not any of it?” Josie said.

“No!” we both said.

“Well, I have baby brain, what’s your excuse?” Emily said.

“Um…breakup and….” I said, struggling to come up with something.

“Too much fucking!” Mandy finished.

“Sure, let’s go with that,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“What’s going on with that anyway?” she asked.

“It’s fine, we’re good.”

“You never talk about him anymore. What gives?” Josie asked.

“Eh.”

“Eh good, or eh bad?” she said.

“Eh, as in I don’t want to ruin a good thing.”

The truth was, things were really good, and I just wanted to let them play out instead of analyzing this, that and the other thing. Trent was not only a great lover, but he was becoming my best friend. He was the person I called when good (and bad) things happened to me during the day. I told him everything. He knew everything about the breakup and sticks by me when I get sad sometimes, understanding that it’s still fresh. It was just good, and I couldn’t really explain it to anyone.

“Let’s do something crazy,” I said, changing the topic.

“Like?” Mandy said.

“Dance on the bar!” I said.

“Make out with boys!” Jess said.

We all just looked at her.

“What? Jason is being a jerk this week….”

“OK….how about we play Truth or Dare?” I suggested, making a mental note to ask her about that tomorrow.

“Yes!” Lizzy said. “I’ll ask first, Penny, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” I said.

“Lame. OK. If you knew no one would find out, ever, would you sleep with Channing Tatum?”

“Um. Yes. That’s a dumb question. Next. Mandy, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Come on!” Lizzy exclaimed.

“Just wait your turn, missy,” I said. “OK. Mandy, if you were a boy for a day, what would you do?”

“Jerk off, then fuck my girlfriend. Then tell her I’m going out with the guys, but go fuck some other girl….”

“Ooo. Um. OK. You’ve thought about this?”  I asked.

“Maybe. My turn….” she said.

It concerned me that Jess and Mandy might be having relationship issues, but it also make me realize that I have been neglecting my friends lately. I let life get in the way. But, I guess that’s what growing up is. Growing apart, making new friends and relationships. It also made me realize that even things that seem great on the outside might not be so perfect on the inside.

“Lizzy,” I said, slightly slurring now. “Truth or dare?”

“DARE!” she said.

“I dare you to dance on the bar with that guy,” I said, pointing to the local barfly at the end of the bar with long hair, who looked like Lurch from the Adams Family.

“Are you shitting me?” she asked.

“No. You asked for it. And if you think this is bad, wait until you see what I bought for your bachelorette party. Now go!” I said. “Hey Al, can you play ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me?'”

As the first notes played, the bar started to get loud. “Go” I mouthed to Lizzy.

“I hate you,” she said, as she went over to Lurch.

I told Al what as happening and he cleared a path for her. Then he handed her a bottle of some sort of shot, so she could give every one free shots as she danced with Lurch until the song was over. We all hooted and hollered.

An hour or two later, it was just Lizzy and I at the bar with a few stragglers. We watched as Al started to clean up.

“Hey Al! One more, please, sir,” I said, motioning to fill our glasses up. “And one for yourself.”

“You got it!” he said. “Cheers, ladies. You always make my night when you come in.”

As he went about cleaning up some more, we chatted a bit.

“So that was weird before with Mandy and Jess,” Lizzy said.

“Yea. I have to remember to ask them what’s up. But, you know, part of me feels like if they wanted to talk about it, they would,” I said.

“Yea, I agree. I never really like to put my two cents in on people’s relationships. You can’t really know what goes on between two people. And what works for one, might not work for another.”

“Agreed,” I said, clinking my glass with hers.

“So, what’s up with you and Al? You guys have this weird chemistry going on.”

“Nothing. We’ve been bar friends for a while now. He’s engaged, and I’ve always been with someone.”

“You should make out with him.”

“That’s the Stoli talking right now. Let’s call a cab,” I said, just as “Baby Got Back” started playing. “Or not.”

I got up and grabbed Al to come dance at the back of the bar. And then, something happened, that’s never happened before. Perhaps it was the Stoli, or just that it was a few people left. Or maybe what Lizzy said was in my head, but when we hugged when the song was over, we kissed. Definitely not full on make out, but we both knew what happened. Hmmmm.

“What the hell?” Lizzy said, when I came back to finish my drink.

“You’re a jerk. You got in my head. Let’s go,” I said, chugging the rest of my beer and walking out.

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” she said, confused.

“Whatever, it’s fine. We just won’t talk about it.”

“Guy friends kiss girl friends all the time, it’s normal,” she said, trying to make me feel better.

“That sounds like something Tony would say when he hung out with Hillary, ‘guy and girl friends can sleep next to each other, it doesn’t mean anything,’” I said, mimicking Tony.

Damn alcohol. Now, I was just getting angry at her for no reason other than I was drunk, missing Trent and clearly still harboring anger toward Tony. I could feel the tears forming.

“Oh honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. Let’s forget it ever happened,” she said, hugging me. “Do you want me to stay with you tonight?”

I nodded.

Just before I drifted to sleep after drinking a bottle of water and taking ibuprofen, I checked my phone, which I had left home all night (something we all agreed to do – except Emily, of course). Two messages from Trent.

“Hey baby, hope you’re having fun! I know you don’t have your phone, so sweet dreams when you read this!”
“Oh, I love you and miss you.”

Get it together, Pen. Get it together!

Perfectly Normal

“What if we did a play on Girls from HBO?” I suggested.

We were at our weekly brainstorming session at work where we pitch ideas for possible sketches, games, etc. We hadn’t really done any spoofs in a while so I wrote up a quick synopsis based off Girls, appropriately titled Boys. Basically Jimmy and Higgins, along with two writers, would star as the main characters running around half naked just like the characters on the show.

“Yes!” Jimmy said excitedly, as I passed around my synopsis.

“OOoo. We can do that episode where she gets high with her gay best friend and runs around in that mesh tank!” said Lizzy.

“Great! I love it. You and Penny write it up, we’ll talk details next week. Now, what stupid games can we play?”

The rest of the meeting went well. But I did somehow get rooked into writing random sayings for an upcoming game. The work kept piling up.

“Let’s go out,” said Lizzy when we got back to our desks.

“Now?” I said, looking panicked.

“No. This weekend. Paul is working Friday night. We need a girls night. Invite your friends. We’ll go to Jimmy F.’s. I’m sure Al is working.”

“True. OK.”

I quickly texted Emily.

“Is Jesse working tomorrow night?”
“No, he’s off. Why?”
“Good. Girls night. Gather the troops.”
“Done. Can I wear my PJs?”
“No. You must wear pants. Or a skirt. No PJS or sweats!”

***

“Oooo. A girls night,” Trent said, later on as we caught a cab up to his place. “That sounds fun. You need it. You’ve been very stressed lately.”

“I know!” I said, as he massaged my neck. “I’m really stressing about the studio though. They need to find a little bit more money to swing the studio in Astoria. They are working really hard, but they still need to me to head out to California next weekend. You’re still in right?”

“Yes. I already asked Melanie to keep the boy that weekend. She was fine with it.”

“Great! It should be fun.”

“You know what’s going to be fun? The next two hours where I ravage you,” he said, as he kissed my neck and moved his hand under my skirt.

His eyes grew wide when he realized I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Now before you think I’m that gross, I took them off right before we left work. I liked to keep him guessing. My fear….that he’ll get bored of me quickly. I know it’s dumb, but seeing as how quickly Tony got bored with me, I’m paranoid.

I tried to stay focused on a conversation as Trent found my sweet spot. It was really hard, but I don’t think the cab driver noticed. But then again, he did smirk when I let out a quiet moan as I came. Dammit Trent!

We barely made it into his apartment when I tugged at his belt and dropped to my knees. He moaned as I took him in my mouth.

“God, I love that,” he said.

And then, of course, he pulled me up and pushed me against the wall.

“I know, I know…you just need to…”

“…be inside you,” he finished, thrusting into me as I let out a yelp.

***

“Ah-maz-ing,” Trent said, as we collected our clothes and went into the bedroom.

“Are you surprised?” I asked.

“Not at all. I’m just surprised that it just keeps getting better and better. I have to be honest, I was letting my paranoia take over today and worried we might lose our spark!”

“Oh my God! Me too!” I said.

And then we both laughed. We were being ridiculous. However, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I pushed the thought out of my head as we got ready for bed together. And just like a dorky couple, we climbed into bed, kissed each other and then checked our phones, responded to emails and texts before taking out books and reading quietly next to each other, like we’ve been doing it for years. Every couple feels this normal after three-four months, right?

Let’s Do This

“I hate you,” I said to Emily. After her bugging me for weeks, I finally gave in and took a kickboxing class with her. Truth be told, I hadn’t been working out much at all lately (unless the sexcapades with Trent counted). Sure, I’d do an ab workout or walk around my neighborhood, but those were few and far between. I couldn’t really bring myself to the gym anymore, especially since Tony and his lady friend worked there. So, on a day when I knew he was off (thanks Emily for Facebook stalking for me), I went into the gym, canceled my membership and then joined this place that offers intense kickboxing classes.

“You love it,” she said, hitting the bag as I held it for her. “Think of how great you’ll look for Vegas.”

“And I don’t look great now?” I said, pouting.

“Don’t be an asshole.”

We switched positions and I kicked the shit out of the bag. I knew I’d be hurting the next day, but I didn’t care. It was great to get out all my frustrations on that bag. I had forgotten how much I actually really liked working out and taking classes. Plus I had missed teaching Zumba. Even though I tried to keep it up when I started with Jimmy, the switchover to the Tonight Show and now the Netflx show didn’t allow me any time to teach. Truth was, I was grateful for Emily introducing me to the class, and she could go on her mornings off with me before work, which was very convenient.

After the class, which I had signed up for with Groupon, the young chickees at the desk tried to convince me to sign up for more classes.

“How about I just use up my 10-class Groupon and then we talk?” I had said.

“We’re offering really great deals right now though!” said the perky blonde, who probably doesn’t even take the class.

“It’s fine. I’ve been to plenty of gyms in my lifetime, I’m sure you’ll have an even better deal next month.”

“You really should sign up for more classes when it’s up though,” said Emily in the parking lot.

“I know I will. I’m ready to do this. But, one day at a time. I probably won’t be able to walk tomorrow, so maybe you should convince me then.”

***

“Can you take a camera to your next class?” Jimmy said, over lunch.

We were talking about his 100th episode of the Tonight Show and how they were going to celebrate on air. Truth be told, time had flown by. It seemed like just yesterday we were holed up launching the new site and show. But I guess breakups and new relationships will do that to you.

“Um. No,” I said. We were talking about my kickboxing class, seeing as how I could barely sit and stand throughout the day. But it did feel oh so good.

“Why not? You did it with Zumba.”

“GRRR. This is different. I’m not teaching it, I’m taking it and I look like a hot mess doing it.”

“Whatever. You haven’t taken the camera out since Orlando.”

“I could take it to Vegas for Lizzy’s bachelorette party…”

“YES!” he said, jumping up and slamming his hands on the table. “100 times YES!”

Oops. Lizzy probably won’t be too happy about that. But that’s what editing is for, right?

“Sooooo. Don’t hate me,” I said, later on at our desks.

“What?” Lizzy said, narrowing her eyes. “What did you do?”

“I might have agreed to bring a camera with us to Vegas,” I said, bracing myself.

“Oh! That’s it?” she said, relaxing. “I thought you were going to tell me you started an affair with another celebrity or something. That’s fine. It’s going to be awesome, I don’t care. Let’s do it!”

Crisis averted.

***

“So, this is a good thing? Because then I’ll know what you did over there,” Trent said, as he traced circles on my stomach.

“You know I’m going to tell you anyway, right?” I said, pulling his head close to me and kissing him.

“I know. But I don’t care what you do over there….”

“But I do. We have a good thing going. I’m not going to ruin that…”

“You won’t ruin it. You couldn’t possibly ruin it. If anything, I’ll ruin it. I can’t apologize enough for that display that Melanie did the other night.”

He and I had had very long discussions after that party where Melanie kissed him. He said she got really jealous of me, even though she had no clue that we were sleeping together. She even tried to sleep with him before he left to go to my place. I guess seeing someone else with the man you’re ending things with will do that to you. He assured me that it meant nothing and that I meant the world to him. And that aside from his son, I was the person he cared for the most.

It just all seemed surreal that we started out as friends with benefits, each of us determined not to fall in love. And here we were, getting jealous and getting sentimental. Funny how things work out.

“You don’t have to apologize for her behavior. I know where your head is at, and that’s all that matters.”

“Still. I could see your shock. You were all like..’he’s mine!'” he said, laughing and kissing me.

“Hmmmm. You’re mine. I like that. Are you?”

“Do you want me to be?” he said, looking vulnerable, almost as if he thought I might say no.

“Of course I do!” I said.

“My girlfriend, Penny Redstar,” he said, kissing me deeply. “I like the sound of that.”

“Trent Gregory, my sexy piece of man meat,” I said, reaching down to stroke him.

“I like the sound of that better,” he moaned as I worked my way down his body.

“Good, let’s do this,” I said, and took him in my mouth.