Step Four, I Can Give You More…

“I swear to you, one arm was shorter than the other!” Lizzy exclaimed. We both took off early from the office tonight because the studio was dark and headed to Jimmy F’s.

“What do you mean? Like a T-Rex?” I said, laughing.

“Yea, like this,” she said, and then proceeded to walk around like a T-Rex.

“Oh my God, I think I just peed a little,” I said, tears streaming down my face.

“What are you two laughing at?” Al said, putting more shots in front of us.

“Nothing. Just Lizzy’s online dating adventures,” I said, taking my shot. “Cheers!”

“Look. Here, look at the picture,” she said, pulling up the photo.

I burst out laughing. “He DOES have a little arm. Holy shit!”

“I told you!”

“And you want me to continue with the online dating. Seriously?”

“You have to! You need to kiss a lot of toads before your prince comes along.”

“Fuck my prince. I’m done.”

“It’s been like three weeks, Penny, you need to keep trying.”

“Why? I’m getting laid…that’s all I want now anyway.”

“Wait. What? You are?” she said.

Shit. I hadn’t told her, obviously because it was Trent.

“Yea. Um…”

“OH MY GOD. It’s Trent!” she whispered loudly.

“Shhh. Yes. Calm down.”

“I fucking knew it!”

“You didn’t know,” I said, signaling Al for another round of shots. I figured it would be a long night and I was glad I took a cab.

“I did. Kind of. Well, I thought about it. But then I realized he’s still married…”

“Separated.”

“Interesting.”

“Very. Shot?”

“Yes.”

“Can we talk about something else besides me fucking Trent, please?”

“Fine. What happened with that guy from Brooklyn you were talking to online? Weren’t you supposed to go out with him tonight?”

“Yes, but he never texted me and I am tired of being the pursuer, so fuck it. I went out with you instead, are you complaining?”

“No. I get it. But you are trying with the online dating for real right? I worry about you sometimes.”

“No, I am. I check every day. Send notes, etc. It’s just hard for me. I’m into meeting people face to face to get to know them. Every boyfriend has been either a friend or a set-up, well except for Jake, but we don’t talk about that two-timing asshole anymore.”

“Jake?”

“Yea before Tony…” And I launched into the story of Jake and his double life, as Lizzy didn’t know any of it.

The night went on like that for a while before I got a text from Trent that he was horny.

“That’s him, isn’t it?” she asked, taking money out.

“Yea. I…I have no explanation other than the sex is fantastic and unlike anything I’ve ever had before. I swear, it feels like we’ve been doing it for years and it’s only been a few weeks.”

“Really? That good?”

“Addicting. Can’t get enough. He said he’ll drop you off if you want, he’s coming to pick me up.”

“Oh, so now he knows that I know.”

“That’s the thing about us, we’re very open and honest with each other. It helps with the friends with benefits thing. No jealously, no one gets hurt.”

“Until you fall in love with each other.”

“Shut it. Let’s go.”

***

“Did you have a good night?” Trent asked as we pulled up to my place.

“I did. Lizzy is great. I’m glad we’re friends. It’s nice to have a friend at work, who understands the pressures of being in TV and stuff. It’s not that I don’t love my other friends, it’s just that we lead different lives.”

“Hey, I get it,” he said, taking my keys from me and heading into the apartment. “Now, about those clothes you’re wearing…”

“God, I can’t get enough of you,” I said, as he  pulled my dress over my head.

“Ditto, kid,” he said, kissing me. “And I can give you more…”

I didn’t even know what that meant, and I didn’t care. I was having fun, and that’s all that mattered. It wasn’t until after we finished fucking right there on the stairs, that I saw another handwritten note on the floor by the door…

Step Three, It’s Just You and Me…

The meeting for my show was moved to this week because the studio was dark, and June was going to get crazy with the Tonight Show going down to Florida. It was intense. I was glad Mandy had read over my contract and allowed me creative rights with everything from casting, to script changes to costumes, etc. Basically, it was my show with Jimmy executive producing. Insane! It was my dream come true.

“So, who were you thinking for the lead character?” asked Barry, one of the network execs.

“Well, I would LOVE Aubry Plaza. I think she captures the character completely. But, I know she’s tied up with Parks and Rec…” I offered.

“I’m friends with her, I’m going to send her the script,” said Jimmy. Just like that.

We brainstormed the rest of our ‘dream cast,’ and to be honest, it was looking like with Jimmy’s connections, we could at least get them to read for the parts. But in the mean time, the casting director was able to get a feel for each character and was going to set up casting calls and readings for the next week. Jimmy’s goal was to get at least the main characters set by the time Florida comes, but we both realized that might be unrealistic. We were going to try though.

****************************************************

In the mean time, I set up another date with someone from Match. I was on the fence about him, but Lizzy kept insisting I needed to just go out and date. So here I was, waiting at the bar for the next loser…I mean…guy to show up. He was 20 minutes late.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. I had some stomach issues on the way here and I had to find a bathroom,” he said, hugging me.

Ew.

“Oh. Um. I’m sorry,” I said, really confused and uncomfortable.

“Yea, I didn’t expect my IBS to act up. But I’m OK now, I took some meds. But I probably won’t eat or drink anything, just to be on the safe side.”

Oh my God, is this real life? was all I could think.

“We could always re-schedule,” I offered.

“No, no. I’m good. And you’re really hot. Prettier and thinner than your pictures. Aren’t I lucky?”

“Um. Thanks. So, can I get you a water at least? I feel weird drinking by myself,” I said, getting the bartender’s attention.

“No. I shouldn’t really put anything in my body, just in case. So, do you work out a lot? Your body is banging,” he said, looking me up and down.

“Again, thanks. But, tell me more about yourself.” This was just frustrating.

“Well, I work in sales. I live in Bellmore with my parents…” Blah blah blah was all I heard, though. “And I really like tall girls. So you’re perfect. Uh oh….”

“What?” I said, forcing myself to pay attention.

“Excuse me, I have to use the restroom,” he said, as I pointed in the direction of the men’s room.

He was in there for 30 minutes. While he was in there, I texted Trent because I knew he’d be getting out of work about now.

“You should be at my place in 45 minutes.”
“OK.”

When Mr. IBS came out of the restroom, I told him we should probably call it a night since he wasn’t feeling well. I promised we’d re-schedule, but I was on the fence about that. I mean, I had to give him props about coming to a date sick, but it was really strange – and he kept throwing in all these comments about how hot I was. While it was flattering, it was almost creepy.

*****

“Who’s going to play me in the show?” asked Trent, as we lay in bed after two rounds of amazing sex.

“Um. I haven’t written about you yet,” I said. “Who do you want to play you?”

“Channing Tatum.”

I burst out laughing.

“If Channing Tatum is playing you, then I’m playing myself.”

“I see how it is,” he said, tickling me. “So, your date sucked?”

“Well, it was weird. He kept complimenting me. Which was fine, but it was overwhelming. It was like he thought I was ‘too hot’ for him or something…”

“But you were out with him, and obviously liked his profile and photos…that is weird. These guys have to learn to play it cool. Looks like it’s just you and me for a while then.”

“Yea. And I’m way too picky. I’ll probably re-schedule because I feel bad. Maybe his nerves will be more calm.”

“And he won’t shit his pants before the date,” he said laughing, and kissing his way down my body.

“Please don’t ever talk about shitting one’s pants before you’re about to go down on me ever again,” I said, laughing.

Step Two, There’s So Much We Can Do…

“I don’t know how you got me to do this…again,” I said, in the makeup chair, getting my hair teased again.

“Because it’s awesome and funny. And plus, we haven’t done it on the Tonight Show yet,” Jimmy said, excitedly, as he got his makeup done. “There is so much we can do with this segment. Go on more dates so we can get material!”

“Well, it should have died with Late Night,” I said.

“Hey now! Maybe you won’t end up with Chip with that kind of attitude,” he said laughing.

We were doing another Cupid’s Arrow dating game show, except Lizzy wrote up something based off my online dating adventures. Well, more like my online dating conversations, as nothing has panned out since Mr. Watch Me Jerk Off.

“You really need to give some of these guys a chance,” Lizzy said, later on, after we taped the segment.

“I am! No one is replying back. Or rather, we chat and talk about getting together and then ‘forget’ to make plans. It’s frustrating. And I don’t feel like being the pursuer anymore,” I said, as I tried unsuccessfully to comb out my hair.

“Sexy,” Trent said, walking in and flopping down on the couch.

“Oh stop. Isn’t this what you’re used to anyway? Didn’t you date women like this in the 80s?” I said, sticking my tongue out at him.

“Cute. Real cute. I’m not that much older than you, bitch!”

“Hey now, kids, calm down. You’d think you two were dating or something,” Lizzy said, looking up from my phone.

We just got quiet.

“What? You are?” she said, raising her eyebrows.

“Seriously? No, we’re not dating,” I said, breaking the silence. “That’s just crazy.”

Trent just raised his eyebrows behind Lizzy and winked. I rolled my eyes at him when she got back to looking at online profiles.

“Here, how about this one,” she said, forgetting about the awkward moment. “He’s 36. Never married, no kids. He lives two towns over from you, he likes movies…ooo and he’s a cop.”

“How tall is he?” I asked.

“5’8″”

“Pass.”

“Seriously? He’s cute!”

“He’s too short for her. She only dates men over 5’11”,” Trent chimed in.

“Really?” she asked.

“Yup. I need to be able to wear heels and not tower over a guy. See,” I said, making Trent stand up and stand back to back with me to show her that we were the same height with my 4-inch heels.

“OK. So, I’m going to have to skip half of these profiles,” she said, swiping left.

**************************************************************

“I gotta go,” I said, as Trent kissed my neck, trying to lure me back to bed.

“Where are you going? I want you one more time!” he pouted.

“I have a date. And you have to get back to work!” He was lucky his apartment was close to work.

“A date? Really? So you fuck me and then go on a date? I see how it is. I’m just good for my dick.”

“Is that a bad thing?” I said, as I got dressed.

“No, as long as you’re happy with it, I don’t care.”

“Good.”

****

“So, what do you do again?” I said, as I sat across from a short, balding, pudgy guy who looked nothing like his picture. I told myself I’d stay for at least two drinks to be polite.

“I’m a math teacher. Well, substitute math teacher. I’m hoping to get a full time job when two of the teachers retire in June,” he said.

I know it was horrible of me, but I didn’t even remember what his name was. I knew it was in my phone, so if I changed my mind, I could pull it up at any time. But, as soon as I realized he was at least two inches shorter than me in flats, I just couldn’t. He said he was 5’10” in his profile. I know it’s not fair and it’s like when guys don’t date girls because they are too fat or too skinny or too whatever. I just don’t feel comfortable looking down at a guy I’m dating.

***

“How was the date? Get some more?” Trent texted.
“He was 5’6″. On my way home now.”
“LOL. I take that as a no. Well, you get home safe. Come to my office tomorrow, I want to bend you over my desk.”
“You sure know the way to a girl’s heart.”
“:)”

When I got home, I found another letter from Tony. This was the fourth one in a week. I left it sealed and put it in the box with the others. One day I’d read them. One day.

Step One, We Can Have Lots of Fun…

“I just don’t understand, it’s been three months! And why would he bring her to something he knew I’d be at?” I said, as Trent kissed my neck.

“Because, he’s an asshole, which is fine, because now I can all of this,” he said, gesturing down my naked body. “And he doesn’t have it anymore.”

We were at Trent’s apartment in the city. He explained that both he and his wife have separate apartments in the city, as well as a home in Whitestone, Queens that they share and where their son lives. Basically, they have ‘sex pads’ for all their lovers. And now I had the pleasure of utilizing it. I wasn’t really sure how I felt about that, but I was just going with it. And the sex was so fantastic, I didn’t even care. No strings attached sex. Yes, please!

“Ugh. I need to get out of my head,” I groaned, as he clasped my arms above my head and kissed me hard.

“That’s what I’m trying to do, darlin’,” he said, as he moved down to my breasts and circled each one with his tongue.

“Oh God, that feels so good. I’m so wet right now. Just fuck me already!” I moaned and panted heavily.

“Be patient,” he said, smiling and kissing his way down my body. He kissed each inner thigh, teasing me, until I finally grabbed his head and bucked my hips so he could hit my sweet spot. He worked me into a frenzy, and I came within a few minutes.

“You make me dizzy,” I said, as I leaned over to get a condom out of his side table.

“That’s the point. You forget about what’s his face?”

“Who?” I said, smiling as I grabbed him and took all of him in my mouth. He moaned with pleasure, but quickly pulled me back up.

“What? Come on! That’s not fair,” I said, trying to grab him.

“You realize, if you keep doing that, I won’t be able to fuck you,” he said, rolling on the condom and pushing into me.

“Oh God! I’ve been wanting this all day!”

“And now it’s all yours,” he said, kissing me hard and pinning my hands above my head again.

***

“You realize it’s really bad that we’re so good at this, right?” he said after, leaning his head on my stomach and tracing his finger along my still hard nipples.

“Who cares? It’s a win-win for both of us, right?”

“Just don’t fall for me, OK?”

“I’m not falling for anyone. Besides, we’re both pretty fucked up in our heads right now.”

“Very true. I’m really glad to have met you, Penny.”

“Ditto, Trent.”

**********************************************************************

“So, I’ve taken on a lover,” I said, over dinner and drinks with the girls.

“What do you mean? Who?” Emily demanded. “It’s not Tony, is it?”

“God, NO! It’s someone at work. You don’t know him. But it’s so fucking hot, I can’t get enough.”

I didn’t want to tell the girls who it was to protect the innocent…OK, not so innocent.

“Just be careful, I don’t want another Scott situation,” Emily said.

“Don’t worry. It’s not like that. It’s purely physical. Nothing more.”

“Good,” Emily said.

I knew she wasn’t convinced. But I was. I’ve had a fuck buddy before, so I don’t know why this was different. Maybe because it was so consistent. But it was so wrong, it just felt right.

When I got home later that night, there was a handwritten letter slipped through my mail slot. It was Tony’s handwriting. It kind of creeped me out that he had come by to drop it off. I hesitated. I didn’t know if I wanted to open it. After my slip-up in the closet, and the newfound knowledge that he essentially lied to Hillary about our relationship and the new girl, I didn’t know if I wanted to throw salt in my still very open wounds. I found an old shoebox, tossed the letter in and put it in the back of my closet. I’d read it another time, just not now. It was very Carrie Bradshaw of me, but I knew deep down it was for the best.

It was time to do me for once…OK and maybe Trent (a lot).

Two steps forward…..

*These events happened in earlier in May 2014*

A day before my meeting with the networks, I got a call from Jess reminding me about her engagement party this coming weekend. I had totally forgotten in all of the Tony mess and my trips (and sexcapades with Trent).

“You’re still coming right, you’re my maid of honor,” she said.

“Jess…I…I haven’t seen Tony in a month.”

“YOU’RE MY MAID OF HONOR!” she snorted into the phone.

Crap.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll be there,” I said, apologizing. And then realizing that Tony was, in fact, the best man. This was going to be an interesting weekend.

I put it all out of my head for the meeting with the executives. And that meeting couldn’t have gone any smoother. They LOVED my ideas. They loved the treatments, they loved the script. They loved  my casting ideas, etc. I couldn’t believe it. It was nice to see that all of my hard work paid off and that one part of my life was moving along in the right direction. They explained what the next steps were, as they handed me a contract to be signed in the next two days. I called up Mandy to read everything over with a fine tooth comb to make sure I wasn’t getting screwed and my ideas would always be my ideas, etc.

I was on a real high when I walked into the engagement party that Saturday. I had sought out Trent on Friday evening for another ego boost going into the weekend, just in case. Needed that reminder of just how hot I was.

“God, I love your mouth,” he had said, as I dropped to my knees immediately upon entering his office and locking the door. What girl wouldn’t love to hear that a day before she’s seeing her ex?

And everything was great. Until he walked in, with another girl.

“Yea, so everything went so well at the meetings. I couldn’t believe it. We start cast…What. The. Fuck,” I said, mid-sentence. The girls all looked to where I was facing.

“Who is that?” Emily asked.

“I didn’t know he was bringing a date, Penny. I’m sorry!” Jess said, apologizing and going to find Jason to find out what was up.

“Jesus, we JUST broke up. It’s been three months!” I said, finishing the drink.

“It’s OK. Maybe she’s just a friend?” Emily offered, just as he kissed her lightly on the lips.

Mandy came over with another drink for me.

“I don’t even want this. I want to leave,” I said, knowing full well I had to stay.

Just then, Hillary walked by. She smiled and waved as she made her way over to me. Great, I thought.

“Hey!” she said, as she hugged me. “Sorry to hear about you and Tony.”

Interesting.

“Thanks. So, hey, let me ask you, who is that girl?” I asked, figuring she knows everything.

“Oh, April. She works with Tony at the gym. She’s another personal trainer. She’s great. They look good toget….oh sorry,” she said, realizing what she was saying.

“Seems a little fast,” I mumbled, as it wasn’t really meant for her.

“Well, I mean, you guys weren’t that serious, right? Didn’t you, like, date other people?”

“Um. No. We lived together,” I said, really confused.

“You did?” she asked, completely shocked.

I just walked away. I didn’t need this. I wasn’t getting anywhere though, as a very drunk Jason pulled me into a bear hug.

“Our maid of honor!” he slurred. “And MY BEST MAN!” he shouted as Tony walked by. He pulled us both into a huge hug. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there. I managed to give a congratulations to Jason and go find Emily again.

“Oh. My. God. Look!” Emily whispered.

I turned around to see Hillary fighting with Tony, while the new girl looked on. He wasn’t happy as they both gestured in my direction.

“What did you say to her? She looked really confused when you walked away,” Emily asked.

“She was under the impression Tony and I were in some open relationship. All I said was that wasn’t true and we lived together. Shit, he’s coming over here. Goddammit!”

“Hey, can I talk to you?” Tony said, leading me away from Emily.

He pulled me into a walk-in closet.

“You told Hillary we lived together?” he asked. I could see he was angry. I didn’t even care.

“I didn’t know it was a secret,” I said, keeping my tone even.

“It wasn’t….I….I just never told her.”

I just glared at him.

“It’s not like that. It’s….”

“You told her we were ‘dating other people,'” I said, using air quotes.

“I…fuck.”

“Yea,” I said, reaching for the door knob. “Oh and April seems nice.”

“Penny….”

He caught my hand on the door knob. Our faces were inches from each other. Shit, I thought, just as he kissed me. Hard and urgent. NO, NO NO, was running through my head as his hands moved up my dress and he kissed my neck.

“Goddammit, Tony!” I whispered.

“I miss you Pen.”

“You have a girlfriend,” I said, as he took a condom out of his wallet and I unbuckled his belt.

“She’s not you,” he said, as he lifted me up against the door and pressed into me.

Two steps forward….two steps back….

That’s What Friends Are For

*These events happened in earlier in May 2014*

“Let me see your phone,” Lizzy said.

“Why?” I asked, skeptical.

“I’m going to look at some profiles on the dating sites for you,” she said, taking my phone.

“Fine. Whatever. I still don’t know how I feel about online dating. Look at the Tinder message I got last night,” I said, scrolling through the app.

“Ever have your asshole licked.”

“EWWWWWWW,” Lizzy screamed.

“Told you.”

“Well, Match is better. That’s where I met Paul. I’ll find you some people.”

As she laughed and showed me some guys, I got to finishing up my treatments and scripts for my TV series. I was meeting with the networks next week, and I was so nervous. Jimmy kept insisting everything looked good, but I wanted it to be perfect. And I was worried that the executives just wouldn’t like it. I was venturing into unknown territory and it scared me. But this is what I always wanted. My words out there…for everyone to see.

*************************************************************************************

“Hey new friend,” I said, as I handed Trent a coffee.

“Hey! You’re here late,” he said, smiling.

“Yea. I was just finishing up some stuff for the site. The show is going down to Florida next month, so we have a contest running for people to win trips. It’s been a lot of work.”

“Oh awesome. Are you going to go?”

“Yea, probably.”

“So, what’s new? Feeling sassy.”

“Kind of, actually,” I said, giving him my best bedroom eyes. “Was wondering if your offer still stands?”

I had decided earlier in the week that I wanted to have another fuck buddy. Matt was always so infrequent with his traveling for work. And Trent was convenient. Plus, I knew we’d never fall for each other because he and I want different things. This could be purely physical for now.

“It does,” he said, getting up, locking the door and closing the blinds.

“Oooo. Scandalous,” I said, as he leaned down to kiss me. And surprisingly, it didn’t feel weird at all. It actually felt like we’ve been together for a while.

“It scares me how natural this feels,” he said, as he gently pushed me back on the couch.

“Yea, I was just thinking that.”

“God, I can’t wait to taste you,” he said, pushing up my skirt and dipping his head between my legs.

“Oh. My. Wow, you’re really good at that,” I said.

“You taste amazing.”

After what felt like an eternity, in a good way, I needed him inside me. I pulled him up and handed him the emergency condom in my purse.

“A girl who comes prepared. I like it,” he said.

And unlike the one-night stands I’d had in the past few months, there was nothing awkward about sex with Trent. We were completely in sync, moving from position to position with ease before we both finished and collapsed on the couch.

“Damn. That was even better than I imagined it. Was it good for you?” he said, out of breath.

“Um. Were my screams of pleasure not enough confirmation?” I said, laughing.

“We’re definitely doing that again. You’re a good friend, Penny.”

“So are you, Trent.”

Being sassy is fun.

*These events happened in April and May 2014*
**Editor’s note: I know it’s been a looong time, but I’m going to fill you guys in on Penny’s life for the past few months and then come back with even better adventures! Thanks for reading!**

“I missed you little bro,” I said, giving him a big hug.

“I know,” Ethan said, hugging me back.

It’s been five months since I’d seen him at Christmas. He moved to Seattle shortly after with his girlfriend and their dog, and was loving life. He just got a new job and was just happy. And it was nice to see him happy. After breaking off an engagement, he went through some dark times, as anyone would. But he’s come out stronger for it and he had some great insight into my and Tony’s relationship and breakup.

“I think he was scared. Being engaged and then getting close to it again is scary. Maybe he’ll come around, who knows. But who cares, we’re going to have so much fun!” he said, squeezing me again. “It’s so good to have you here!”

After grabbing drinks at Tori’s parents’ bar, we headed back to their apartment to play with Judah and get some sleep. I never do well with jet lag. When I woke up, I had two text messages from Trent.

“Hey, Penny, get in OK?”
“When do you get back again? I think I’d really like to help you forget Tony. ;)”

Interesting, I thought. I quickly replied back and focused my attention on Ethan. We walked all over Seattle with Judah, as the weather was unseasonably warm. Dinner was margaritas and Mexican before heading off to the bar again to keep the night going.

“Josh, this is my sister, Penny,” Ethan said, gesturing to the bartender.

“Hey there, where are you in from?” said yummy Josh, the bartender.

“New York,” I replied, shaking his hand and thinking of all the dirty things I wanted to do to him. Perhaps my libido and attraction to other men had come back.

“What are you drinking?” he asked.

“A margarita please,” I said.

“So, tell me again, what happened when you told Tony you can’t be friends anymore,” Tori said, pulling up her chair on the other side of me.

About two weeks before my trip, I asked Tony to get the rest of his things from the apartment and told him that I couldn’t be friends anymore. Him calling me every day and us keeping movie dates was just too much. I would get so excited to hear from him, and then I’d cry after I got off the phone. It was not helping me move on. And after two dark weeks of depression, I was in Seattle and feeling much better. Even the one-night stand in Puerto Rico hadn’t helped, but I was thinking that Josh (and maybe Trent when I got home) would be the perfect solution. So, after I explained everything to Tori (without crying – bonus!), I focused my attention to Josh. Yum.

“So are you drunk yet?” I asked him.

“Whatever do you mean?” he asked smiling.

“Well, you’re a mixologist, I see you sipping those drinks to make sure they are perfect…”

“Can’t get anything by you New York girls, huh?” he said, winking. Oh boy.

“You should hook up with Josh,” Ethan said, laughing, after he walked away.

“OH! You should, he called you sassy before,” said Tori.

“Maybe I will. Why do you think I got two beds? One to freak on, the other to sleep on,” I said, smiling.

“EWWWW. I thought you got that for us!” Ethan said.

“Relax! I did, jerk.”

I left by myself that night though, and had a sleepover with Ethan, Tori and Judah at the hotel. As much as Josh would help relieve tension, it would be a temporary fix to get over Tony. Quality time with family always trumps that.

The next day, we did some touristy stuff with a friend of Ethan’s – hitting up the baseball stadium for a private tour and the Space Needle before an amazing steak dinner. And then off for another night of flirting with Josh.

“So, Josh,” said Ethan’s friend. “What time does the bar close?”

“Usually 2 a.m.,” Josh said.

“Oh geez,” I said, under my breath. “I can’t stay up that late!”

Ethan’s friend just burst out laughing. “On the bill later, you should put ‘sex’ on the tip line,” he said.

“OH God,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I should.”

After a couple more drinks, I got up some liquid courage and encouragement from Trent.

“How’s operation bartender going?” he texted.
“I’m working on it. Let me do my thing.”
“I still want you when you get back…”
“Yum.”

“So, Josh, did you grow up in Seattle?” I said, when the bar was quiet.

“No, I actually moved here a few years back. I, like Tori, am an artist by day, but bartending pays the bills. How about you? Born and raised in New York?”

“Yes, sir. Try to travel as much as I can.”

“How are you liking Seattle, so far?”

“It’s a lot of fun. A lot of hills…but there’s so much to do here. It’s a great city.”

“What hotel are you staying at? Or are you staying with E?”

“Oh, I’m staying at the Maxwell, right up the road.”

“Nice. I heard that place was great…”

Ethan’s friend nudged me.

“Yea, it is. Maybe you should stop by after work.” Ah…I love when alcohol talks.

He raised his eyebrows, as my brother offered him the extra key with the room number written on it.

“If only to see the awesome room,” he said, winking and putting the key in his pocket.

“Right,” I said, finishing my drink as he put another one in front of me.

Later on that night, there was a knock at my door. And let me tell you, we barely made it over to the beds. And I totally forgot all about Tony and everything else for a little while.

“So, did Josh stay over last night?” Ethan said, over breakfast.

“Nope, I kicked him out. He did call me sassy again though.”

“Incredible,” Ethan said, shaking his head.

The rest of the trip was a lot of fun, we saw a movie and did a lot more walking….and drinking. I didn’t see Josh again after that night, but we are Facebook friends. Hopefully, he’ll want to visit New York.

At the airport, Trent texted me again.

“I can’t wait until you get home. How was operation bartender?”
“Mission completed successfully.”
“Wow. You are a sassy minx.”
“;)”

Perhaps this isn’t going to work out….

*These events happened in April 2014*
**Editor’s note: I know it’s been a looong time, but I’m going to fill you guys in on Penny’s life for the past few months and then come back with even better adventures! Thanks for reading!**

“Will you just pick one already?” Lizzy said.

We were at work and Jimmy was pressuring me to get on a dating site (as were most of my friends). I was very hesitant, as I don’t trust the Internet, I’m still in love with Tony and I’m more of a ‘let’s be friends first and see where it goes’ type of girl. Plus I had tried online dating in an ‘off-period‘ with Scott, and that was not fun. But, it was ‘for work’ as Jimmy said. I knew deep down though, he wanted to see me happy and keeping me busy and making it fun, was definitely helping…a little bit.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just go on Tinder or something. It’s free and I can become a big whore,” I said, sarcastically. “Besides, look at this, Match makes you write an epic novel about yourself.”

“I’ll just write it for you, move,” Lizzy said.

“What are you guys doing?” Trent said, coming into my office and flopping down on the couch.

“Making an online profile for Penny,” Lizzy said. “How tall are you?”

“Ooo. Put on there she likes big dick,” he said, laughing.

“Oh God, please don’t.”

The next day, I had a couple emails in my Match inbox, so I replied to each one, praying they were normal and not going to kill me and leave my body on the side of the road, so that my old co-workers could write about me. After a few emails back and forth to a guy that lived a few towns over from me on Long Island, we picked a very public place to grab a drink. Even though it was quick, I figured there was no time like the present to start this non-sense.

I got there first and ordered a water, but I was going to tell the guy it was a vodka soda. I also told the bartender to keep an eye out on me. She just laughed and said OK.

“Penny?” said a tall, muscular, blonde-hair, blue-eyed guy.

“Ty?” I asked.

“Yea. Oh phew….you’re just like your picture.”

“Is that a good thing?” I said, thinking that maybe online dating wasn’t so horrible.

We chatted a bit about what we did. Though I didn’t reveal where I worked. That would be for another date. I hate when people get star-struck and think I can get them tickets, etc. I found out he worked in the Marines and just moved from San Francisco to Long Island. Very promising.

And then, this happened.

“So, I have to be honest with you,” he said, getting serious.

“OK. You have an 11th toe?” I asked, laughing.

“Haha. No. I was actually a swinger in my previous relationship.”

Hmmmm.

“I just wanted to get it out there, to see if you were OK with it,” he continued.

“Oh. Well, I’m not into that. But if it’s in your past, then it’s fine,” I said, reaching for my bag…this couldn’t go anywhere good. But part of me was intrigued to see where it went.

“Yea, it’s in the past, but I do like to watch my girlfriends have sex with other guys. I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else though. I like to watch.”

Oh Lord.

“Oh,” was all I could muster.

“So, tell me,” he said, putting his hand on my knee. Oh no, he didn’t, I thought, moving it off. “How many other guys are you talking to on Match.”

“Um…no one really, I literally just signed up a few days ago. What about you?”

“Just a few girls, but you should just talk to me. I’m a lot of fun,” he said, putting his hand back. Goddammit. THIS is why I don’t do online dating!

“Why is that, Ty?” I said, moving his hand again.

“Well, because I like to play…we should get out of here…”

“Oh, yea. I’m not going to do that. Perhaps dinner first, another time?” I said, putting my bag on my shoulder.

“OK. How about if you just watch me jerk off?” he said, suggestively.

“Yea. Perhaps this isn’t going to work out after all. Sorry,” I said, walking out. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the bartender laughing and shaking her head.

**************************************************************************************

“What the FUCK is wrong with people?” I asked Lizzy and Trent over lunch the next day.

“Wait, he actually asked you that? This is going to be an amazing sketch. I’m going back to write it right now,” Lizzy said, picking up her tray to go back to the office.

“This is what I get for being optimistic,” I said, pushing my salad away.

“Cheer up. It was one bad date. You’re going to go on 100s of them,” Trent said.

“Gee thanks. Can’t I just skip the dating part? And go to the fun part? Marriage, babies and happily ever after?”

“Why? This is the fun part. You can sleep with whoever you want. You get married, that ends.”

“Not for you.”

“I’m the exception. Honestly, we started looking into the divorce process, but it’s long and drawn out. I would never get married again.”

“Never?”

“Well, I shouldn’t say never. I’m sure if I met the right person, I might consider it. But, I also thought my wife was the one, so you never know. You should honestly just enjoy yourself. And look at it this way, you haven’t mentioned Tony in the last few days.”

“Yea, well I might not have mentioned him, but he’s been calling me pretty consistently.”

“It’s probably time to cut ties with him for a while. Being friends right now is only going to prolong your recovery process. But, hey, if you need me to help you forget, just say the word.”

“Will you quit it with that?” I said, throwing my napkin at him. Truth was, I was thinking about him a lot lately, and what it would be like if we just started sleeping together. It was more convenient than Matt, who was back in California for a little while.

“Just saying, the offer still stands.”

Perhaps, things might just be OK.

Confessions of the Exes

*These events happened in April 2014*
**Editor’s note: I know it’s been a looong time, but I’m going to fill you guys in on Penny’s life for the past few months and then come back with even better adventures! Thanks for reading!**

“MMMM…right there….” I moaned.

“You still get goosebumps,” Tony said, running his hand along my leg, which made the goosebumps even worse.

I knew it was wrong. But he knew me, and I was horny. He had come over to help me move my new furniture, and it sort of just happened. He had only moved in for a few months before he moved out again, but everything reminded me of him.

“Oh God, Penny, I miss your mouth,” Tony moaned as I moved down his body.

Just as I was getting into it, he flipped me over and ripped off my underwear. We both looked awkwardly at my side table with the condoms in it. I didn’t want to make it any more awkward, and I really wanted this, so I just reached over and handed him one. As he pressed into me, it all felt so familiar. All of me relaxed as he moved inside of me, and I pushed all those thoughts of other people and our breakup out of my head for the time being.

“Amazing, as usual, Penny,” Tony said, as we lay in each other’s arms.

“You were just OK,” I said, smiling.

“Jerk,” he said, kissing me.

And then it got weird again as we got dressed. We made the bed together, as we’ve done 100 times, except this was my new bed now tainted with him. I threw out the condom wrapper, and I realized that in order for us to be friends, we needed to be completely open with each other.

“So, there’s, um, something I need to tell you,” I said.

“Yea, me too actually.” Uh oh! I knew it! Don’t be mad, don’t cry!

 “You first,” I said.

“No, you.”

“Same time?”

“On three,” he said. We were really being childish right now.

“I slept with someone else,” we both said, at the same time.

And then we started laughing, and laughing, and laughing.

“Oh man, what a relief,” he said. “I felt horrible lying to you last week, and then with the condom just now….and…”

“I get it, me too. But Tony, we need to be honest with each other moving forward. And this,” I said, gesturing to the bed. “Probably shouldn’t happen anymore. I mean, I love it and I love you. But that’s the problem. I still love you. And it won’t be fair to either of us or our future partners.”

“Partners, you’re such a nerd,” he said, coming to my side of the bed.

“I’m serious,” I said, trying to push him away.

“I know you are, baby,” he said, pulling me in for the hug anyway. “And I still love you. No more funny business, even though it’s awesome.”

We hugged for a long time, as I fought back tears. I didn’t want him to see me cry anymore. I had to be strong. It was the only way this was going to work. After I closed the door behind him, I broke down.

Double Standards

*These events happened in April 2014*
**Editor’s note: I know it’s been a looong time, but I’m going to fill you guys in on Penny’s life for the past few months and then come back with even better adventures! Thanks for reading!**

“How was your trip?” Tony asked on the ride home from the airport. “Get laid?”

“Ha ha. You know me. I never left the bedroom, clearly,” I said, pulling my jacket off my shoulder to reveal my slightly red skin.

“Seriously, did you have a nice time?”

“Yea. I did. It was nice to get away for a bit, clear my head. How was the wedding?”

“It was nice. Hillary got drunk as usual. Made out with one of the groomsmen, even though they are both dating other people. Drama, drama.”

“Sounds like a blast….”

“Baby, don’t get upset.”

“I’m not. I’m sure it was a lot of fun.”

He still calls me baby. Trying to stay friends was difficult. And truth was, I wanted to be an adult about this. I wanted to stay friends, but I knew deep down he was probably dating someone else. I had already been through this with Scott…and now Scott is marrying the girl he dated – I’m sorry cheated on me with. But Tony wasn’t Scott. Tony and I have had so many conversations about our relationship. But it was still so hard. Probably because we were in love and Scott never loved me. I had to stop comparing apples to oranges, though. And I couldn’t fault Tony if he was dating or sleeping with someone else, especially after my weekend in Puerto Rico.

“Oh, you changed your bathroom soap,” Tony said, after he brought in my suitcase.

“Yea. You can have yours back actually. This one reminds me of the Caribbean. I love it,” I said, handing him his favorite soap back.

“So, what did you bring me from Puerto Rico?” Tony said, flopping down on my new bed and looking for the remote. “You have condoms?”

Crap. I had forgot I left some in my side table. That’s what happens when you buy in bulk.

“Yea. I mean, Tony, I have to be realistic…and smart.”

“I know, I just didn’t think you were dating yet.”

“I’m not. It’s just…you never know. A girl needs to be prepared. I don’t even know why we’re having this conversation. You’ve probably slept with several people already.”

“I haven’t actually. That’s what porn is for. Well, good for you. You should get out there. No one will be as awesome as me though.”

I swear, this man keeps his emotions so bottled up. I wish he’d let his guard down, just once. If he was upset about the possibility of me dating anyone, he wasn’t letting on. It was killing me. Truth was, if the situation had been reversed, I wouldn’t talk to him anymore. It was a double standard. Plus, I had already slept with someone after him. I wasn’t going to tell him, so maybe he just wasn’t going to tell me? Who knows? Maybe at some point, I can be as unemotional about everything and really just be his friend. I know that would take a lot of time.